


Unsent

by CirrusGrey



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: (canon-typical for season four Jon and Martin), (most of the time), Angst with a Happy Ending, Epistolary, M/M, Miscommunication, Mutual Pining, Suicidal Thoughts, rating is for that and also for swears, season one through season four, yes the typos are intentional
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-12
Updated: 2020-03-12
Packaged: 2021-02-28 17:42:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,683
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23111149
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CirrusGrey/pseuds/CirrusGrey
Summary: Various unfinished correspondences between Martin K. Blackwood and Jonathan Sims, theHeadArchivistof the Magnus Institute, London.
Relationships: Martin Blackwood/Jonathan Sims
Comments: 104
Kudos: 386





	Unsent

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Русский available: [Черновики](https://archiveofourown.org/works/29070120) by [WTF The Magnus Archives 2021 (winter_archives)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/winter_archives/pseuds/WTF%20The%20Magnus%20Archives%202021)



> Based on my own tendency to start typing out my internal monologue when my train of thought derails in the middle of writing something.
> 
> Emails end with an autofill signature: name, job, organization, email address.
> 
> Letters are in _italics._
> 
> The rest are texts, frequently (but not always) preceded by the name of the recipient.

Martin,

Genuine question: why do you work here? How did you even get this job? I mean, I know you have a master’s in parapsychology,  _ apparently,  _ because  _ apparently  _ you can get a degree in that. But how the hell did you actually get hired?

No offense, of course.

It’s just that the quality of your work is far below that which would be expected from someone with such an advanced degree, and half the time you seem more interested in being  _ moral support  _ to your coworkers than actually doing your job. You weren’t hired to make us tea, Martin, kind though I’m sure your intent is.

You don’t even seem to  _ like  _ the job, for god’s sake! Interviewing so called ‘witnesses,’ sure, fine, but every time you sit down to do  _ actual  _ research -  _ which is the job description  _ \- you just look miserable. And, yes -  _ I’ve noticed.  _ I’m not blind, and you are  _ not  _ subtle.

So why the hell are you here??? You’re not enjoying it. You’re not helping.  _ I  _ didn’t ask you to join. Nobody’s happy about this! Wouldn’t you be better suited to a job in human resources, or something? Then being moral support could be your  _ actual job. _

What did you think this was going to be when you joined? What made you think you were qualified? You have  _ no  _ experience in archival practices! Or  _ anything,  _ it seems like, other than smiling and offering tea! Well, that may have served you well enough before, but it takes more than a pretty face to qualify for a job in  _ my  _ department! You’re going to have to start putting in a hell of a lot more effort if you want to keep this job, and even then I can’t guarantee it’ll be good enough. I have half a mind to fire you tomorrow, for the way you’ve been acting! I mean, this is a  _ job,  _ not a  _ social club,  _ you can’t just

How do I phrase this?

And the  _ dog, _ I’ve got to mention the dog

And the  _ bloody  _ spiders, what sane person likes spiders that much???

And

Shit.

No.

Calm down.

This is not a conversation to have over email. God, I was about to CC Elias...

Okay, good thoughts. Nice thoughts. Calm down. Maybe he hates me enough to quit on his own. Maybe he’ll win the lottery and retire and I’ll never have to see him again. I should probably delete this before it sends accidentally…

Jonathan Sims  
Head Archivist   
The Magnus Institute, London   
jsims@tmi.org

~~~~~

Hey Jon,

Not urgent, I was just wondering if you wanted me to look into the Carlos Vitery case a bit more? You seemed disappointed with what I was able to dig up so far, so I could keep researching that instead of moving onto the next case if you wanted. Or not! I’m not trying to procrastinate the next one, I’m just…

...just a freaking idiot who’s going to get yelled at if I keep bothering him about spiders. Seriously,  _ what  _ is his problem with them??? Guess I could just go back on my own… then he’ll never know if I don’t turn up anything else useful… 

Martin Blackwood   
Archival Assistant   
The Magnus Institute, London   
mblackwood@tmi.org

~~~~~

Martin- I know you’ve said you’re sick, and I believe you, but you’ve been gone for almost two weeks now. If this is because of something I’ve said

~~~~~

Martin- you’ve been out for almost two weeks; is everything alright? I know you’re sick, but if it’s due to the stress of the job or something I can

~~~~~

Martin- I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have

~~~~~

_ Dear Jon, _

_ And Tim and Sasha too, of course. Sorry guys, I’m not used to addressing letters to more than one person. _

_ I think I’m going to die. I don’t know if you’ll ever find this. If you do, I just want to say… I’m glad I met you all. I know it’s been stressful, trying to get everything at the Archives up and running - I mean, with the state it’s in we’ve basically been restarting a defunct department! But it’s been nice. _

_ I’ve been at the Institute a long time. Longer than any of you. But up till now, it’s just been… a job. Something to pay the bills. It’s been  _ _ interesting _ _ , sure, and I’ve met loads of nice people, but I’ve never really… made friends? Just acquaintances. You guys, though, you’re my friends. The first I’ve had in a long while. And I guess I just wanted you to know that, even if I never have the chance to tell you in person. And yes, I mean you too, Jon, even though you don’t like me. I still like you, so there. Get over it. _

_ Oh, I guess I should explain why I’m dead? In case the police can’t figure it out? I went back to Carlos Vitery’s flat to see if I could dig up anything else on that case. Thought I’d seen some spiders in the basement first time I was there, wanted to check it out again. Well, it wasn’t spiders. Turns out Jane Prentiss is still alive! So that’s fun. She followed me home, and I think I’m probably going mad with exhaustion and stress because I’m having a really hard time not giggling at the comparison to a stray cat. _

_ Internet’s out, and I lost my phone, so I can’t exactly call for help. She’s still outside my door, knocking and knocking. I don’t think my food’s going to last much longer. At least I still have water. _

_ So, yeah, I’m a dead man. Which you already know, if you’re reading this. I don’t really have a will or anything, but I don’t really have anyone to leave anything in a will either, so I don’t think that’s going to be a problem? Can one of you call my mum, though? Or the care home, I mean, to let them know. The number’s on the fridge. I don’t have any other family to notify, and there’s arrangements already in place for her, she’ll be taken care of once I’m gone. _

_ I think that’s it. There’s notes on my desk at work about the cases I was working on, you should be able to pick up where I left off pretty easily. Sorry for leaving you all with so much left to do in the Archives. _

_ Thank you for being my friends. _

_ Goodbye, _

_ Martin _

~~~~~

Listen here you worm-infested piece of shit. If you lay a single finger on one of my assistants again I will make sure you suffer a fate a hundred times worse than any that could be visited upon you by one of the so-called monsters from the statements that fill my archives. I will track you down if it is the last thing I do. There will nowhere you can run, nowhere you can hide, that I won’t be able to find you. And when I do, I will - die, probably. Shit

~~~~~

Jon- just wanted to say thank you, again, for letting me say in the Archives. I’m terrified to go back to my flat, and this feels safe. Safer, at least. I really thought I was going to die, Jon, and I OKAY no that’s WAY too personal

~~~~~

Martin,

It occurred to me when I was leaving the Institute earlier that it can’t be all that pleasant to have to stay there once everyone else has gone home. It is probably the safest place, given the Institute’s security and how well it’s sealed, but if you’d prefer to be able to leave at night, you are welcome to stay with me for the time being. I know it might not be the most ideal solution in the world, sleeping on your boss’s couch, and I completely understand if you’d prefer to stay in the Archives, or with Tim or Sasha, but I want you to know that you have the option, should you oh nevermind

Jonathan Sims   
Head Archivist   
The Magnus Institute, London   
jsims@tmi.org

~~~~~

Jon I’m scared I think I saw a worm

~~~~~

Lol I almost called you in a panic because I saw a piece of dust that looked a bit like a worm

~~~~~

Martin if you love spiders so much get in here and save this one RIGHT NOW otherwise it is DEAD

~~~~~

Der Matin,

I thin the doctors gaveme to many painkillerd. Worlds a bit blur y. I wanted to say than kyou. You save dm y life . the ocrkscrew was a briliant idea. Your a genious. Fell bettr ssoon,

Love you 

Jonathan Sims   
Head Archivist   
The Magnus Institute, London   
jsims@tmi.org

~~~~~

Jon- did you get home okay? You looked pretty out of it when you tried to come in this morning

~~~~~

Martin- okay, okay, you were right, I shouldn’t be pushing myself so fast. My legs hurt like hell, and I was only in the tunnels for an hour or s

~~~~~

Jon,

For the love of god, can you please just stay out of work for the next few weeks? You’ve had a  _ major  _ injury, you’re not even supposed to be leaving your flat. Me and Sasha have got things handled here while you and Tim are out, it’s not all just going to fall apart with you gone.

Martin Blackwood   
Archival Assistant   
The Magnus Institute, London   
mblackwood@tmi.org

~~~~~

Martin- I know this is just a jar of dirt

~~~~~

Martin- I know what it looks like, but I promise you I am not stalking Tim.

~~~~~

A BREAD KNIFE? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME JON? YOU EXPECT ME TO BELIEVE THAT WAS A BREAD KNIFE?

~~~~~

Martin- Elias told me you’ve had a word with him? Believe me, I know what it looks like, but I promise you I am not stalking you and Tim.

~~~~~

Martin- do you have any idea how to get Tim to STOP gossiping? Because I am NOT dating Officer Hussain

~~~~~

Hey, Jon, Tim said

~~~~~

Hey, do you have any idea who

~~~~~

So, officer Hussain, huh? Tim said

~~~~~

Tim said you’ve got a date? That’s really cool, Jon, I hope you

~~~~~

Jon please don’t date the police officer I’ve got a huge crush on you and that’s just not fair

~~~~~

Martin- do you want to grab lunch again today? I had a really nice time last time you dragged me down to the cafe

~~~~~

Wait, did you get me a jar of her ACTUAL ASHES????

~~~~~

Martin- I want to apologize, again, for my behavior. I overreacted to the letter I found, and I shouldn’t have been reading your personal correspondences in the first place. Thank you for telling me about your CV, and the circumstances surrounding it. If you ever need someone to talk to

~~~~~

Martin- I should have mentioned earlier. There were a few of your composition books with the letter I found. I have them in my office if you want them back. Sorry; I read some of your poems. There were a few that were quite affecting. Let me guess: you’re a fan of Keats?

~~~~~

Martin- I’m scared. All the time. Something - someone - wants me dead. I want to trust you. I know, logically, I should trust you. But there’s this little voice at the back of my head, telling me you still could have been the one that killed Gertrude, and that scares me too. Because if I can’t trust you, then I can’t trust anyone. I’m so scared

~~~~~

Hi Jon,

Look, I know what you said, but I really think you should consider finding a therapist. Someone not linked to the Institute at all, so you know you can trust them. This paranoia is really unhealthy, and all it’s doing is hurting people - including you. And if you’re right, if there really IS someone out to get you, it’s not going to hurt your cause at all to have a therapist to back you up in court who can say you’ve been suspicious for months, when you finally find the murderer.

Martin Blackwood   
Archival Assistant   
The Magnus Institute, London   
mblackwood@tmi.org

~~~~~

Martin, I’m sorry that

~~~~~

Jon, can you please just

~~~~~

Jon- you know when I asked you to lunch earlier I meant it as a date, right? I mean, I’m glad you said yes and all, it’s nice to be spending time with you again, but I don't think you really understood NOPE NOT SENDING THAT

~~~~~

Martin- did you do something new with your hair? It looks different, and I can’t tell what’s changed, but it’s very distracting

~~~~~

Look, just talk to Tim, okay? Please?

~~~~~

Odd question: have you noticed anything weird about Sasha recently? Melanie King said

~~~~~

Please text back Jon I’m so scared

~~~~~

You have to be okay just tell me you’re okay

~~~~~

Is Sasha with you?

~~~~~

Jon I can’t lose you

~~~~~

Martin call Tim he won’t listen to me but you can’t go back to the institute

~~~~~

Don’t go into work tomorrow morning there’s going to be police I can’t explain now but

~~~~~

Martin I’m so sorry

~~~~~

Everyone thinks you did it. The officer that was in today wasn’t even looking for evidence, just your whereabouts. I know you didn’t. If you need help - except that would just get me arrested too, wouldn’t it? Even contacting you might

~~~~~

Martin- I’m sorry I haven’t contacted you before this, I haven’t really known what to say. I hope you believe me when I say I am not a murderer. But there is something going on, and I need a contact at the Institute that I can trust. You are my closest - and you’re probably being watched by the police because of that. fuck

~~~~~

_ Dear Martin, _

_ I know, I know, this is terribly old-fashioned of me. In my defence, I think my phone is being monitored, and my email  _ _ definitely _ _ is, so a letter is pretty much the best I can do. Forgive me for going through Melanie to get it to you, but I need to speak with you and this seems like the only way. _

_ I wish I could tell you all of this in person. _

_ I’m staying with- I probably shouldn’t tell you that, should I? The less you know, the safer for both of us. Regardless, I am not in any immediate danger. _

_ I want to thank you for trusting me. Melanie told me that you know I am not a murderer, and I cannot express how much it means to me that you still have some faith in me, despite everything. I am trying to return it, in whatever small way I can, with this letter. I don’t know how much patience Melanie will have for this particular strategy, but if she is willing to play courier a few more times I will continue to write you when I can. I find myself missing your conversation rather more keenly than I believe either of us would have expected. _

~~_ Sentimentality aside, I should begin by telling you the truth about Sasha. _ ~~

~~_ Sentimentality aside, I should begin by telling you the truth about the murder. _ ~~

~~_ Sentimentality aside, I should begin by telling you the truth about the Institute. _ ~~

_ I’ll be honest with you, Martin, I haven’t the faintest idea of where to begin. _

_...And I’m just now realizing, as I write it, that this letter is twice as incriminating as any text or call could ever be. Possessing a letter in my handwriting doesn’t even allow you plausible deniability of being in contact with me _

**_FUCK_ **

~~~~~

I miss you, Jon. Come home soon

~~~~~

Martin- do you happen to know anything about treating burns?

~~~~~

Jon- now that you’re not in hiding - sort of - do you need a place to stay? I know you’ve been staying with a friend, but if you’re trying to keep her out of all this stuff you can come stay at mine… oh no, that sounds pretty desperate, doesn’t it?

~~~~~

Martin- I don’t think it’s safe for me to stay with Georgie anymore. Safe for her, I mean. Would it be alright if I - no, that just puts HIM in danger

~~~~~

Jon,

I found those books you wanted. I’ll leave them on your desk for the next time you’re in the office.

Will you have time to talk, next time you’re here? It’s just, it’s been a while, and… well, a lot’s happened. I know you’re busy, and I understand if you can’t find the time, I just… god, how do I even word this

I miss you?

I worry?

I’m sad, and scared, and I think you are too, and I think it’d help to talk it over?

I lov

Martin Blackwood   
Archival Assistant   
The Magnus Institute, London   
mblackwood@tmi.org

~~~~~

Martin- I’m sorry. I know I’ve been… uncommunicative. For a while now. I’ve been trying to

~~~~~

Martin- I’m sorry I’ve been avoiding you. Georgie’s had a talk with me about it, and she’s finally got me seeing sense. I can’t keep you safe by staying away. I’ll be at the Institute this afternoon, and maybe if you have time we could

~~~~~

Martin- I’m coming back today. I wanted to let you know ahead of time so that I could have a chance to tell you how sorry I am that

~~~~~

Martin- fuck it, I’ll tell him when I get there

~~~~~

Jon- someone came in to give a statement today. It was really… incoherent? Sorry, I know that’s not very helpful, if anyone else comes in I’ll try and get them a bit calmer before we start recording. I just wanted you to know in case you wanted to come pick up the tape, since it didn’t record digitally. Will you be by? It’s just, I haven’t heard anything from you for few days and I’m starting to

~~~~~

Jon- is everything okay? I mean, I get if you just don’t want to talk to me, but Melanie says you haven’t been responding to her texts either and

~~~~~

Jon- Elias is being REALLY cryptic about what you’re doing, just has us looking into the unknowing, saying it’ll help, but if you’re working on something dangerous, and you need help, PLEASE know that all you have to do is ask, I’m here for you whenever you

~~~~~

Jon- look, can you just text me back? Please? Is that too much to ask? Or are you up on your high horse, trying to protect everyone by not telling us a goddamn thing, not even telling us if you’re still even ALIV

~~~~~

I don’t even know why I keep trying. I just miss you.

~~~~~

Martin- I’m glad we got a chance to talk, earlier. I’m sorry I have to leave again so soon. Hopefully I’ll be able to keep access to my phone this time, though, so we should be able to keep in touch. Unless I get kidnapped again, haha oh god no that’s horrible

~~~~~

I’m glad we got a chance to talk earlier. I know I’ve been out of touch - even before the kidnapping - but I promise I’m going to try harder, now. I’ve had a lot of time to think things through over the past month, and to reassess my priorities. There are a lot of things I want to change, not the least of which is the value I put on our friendship. Martin, I spent a month surrounded by the worst horrors the mind can dream up, but all I could think about was how much I regretted not spending more time with you. I’ve realized how much you mean to me, and I want you to know that I 

~~~~~

Hi Jon,

How’s China? I know you probably haven’t had a chance to really take it in yet - actually, thinking about it, you’re probably still on the plane while I’m typing this!

...guess I probably shouldn’t be bothering you so soon.

Martin Blackwood   
Archival Assistant   
The Magnus Institute, London   
mblackwood@tmi.org

~~~~~

Martin,

Thank you again for looking into the Dylan Anderson case for me. I don’t have anything new to send you as regards research yet, but I trust you’ll apply just as much diligence to looking into anything I turn up while I’m on the road.

Sorry, does that sound condescending? I truly am grateful, I don’t want to seem like

Or maybe start with- thank you, I just wanted to contact you to check that everything’s going alright back at the Institute. I know I haven’t been gone very long but I already find myself worrying

Thank you, wanted to contact you because I promised to keep in touch and

....something?

Jonathan Sims   
Head Archivist   
The Magnus Institute, London   
jsims@tmi.org

~~~~~

Jon,

There’s a tape you need to hear when you get back to London. Tim gave a statement, he

...I don’t think it’s my story to tell

Martin Blackwood   
Archival Assistant   
The Magnus Institute, London   
mblackwood@tmi.org

~~~~~

Hello Martin,

Well, another day, another country. Following up on the lead from the Pu Songling Research Centre, I find myself in Chicago this afternoon, on the trail of Gertrude Robinson and Gerard Keay. I’ll start looking into it tomorrow. It’s a pretty good lead, I think. I just wish I knew what they were doing here.

How are things back at the Archives? It’s nice to hear Tim’s made a reappearance, even if you didn’t get much of a chance to talk to him. I

Tim and I

I mean, I still care about him. I know you do too.

You care about  _ everyone _

I miss you

Jonathan Sims   
Head Archivist   
The Magnus Institute, London   
jsims@tmi.org

~~~~~

Hi Jon,

I’ve attached some files about Gertrude’s arrest. It’s… well. Let’s just say I’m feeling like a bit of an idiot for spending so long thinking she was just a doddering old woman.

Sorry Melanie wasn’t available to help you with this. She’s been

Melanie’s been pretty busy recently. It’s probably best if you send anymore research requests directly to me. I’ll get help from the others when they’re a bit less

Martin Blackwood   
Archival Assistant   
The Magnus Institute, London   
mblackwood@tmi.org

~~~~~

Martin,

What type of tea do you usually have at the Archives? I haven’t been feeling well and I think I could use

I haven’t been feeling well and I think tea would help

How do you usually make my tea, at the Archives? You must do something differently than I do; it always tastes better when you make it. I’ve been a bit under the weather these past few days and

Jonathan Sims   
Head Archivist   
The Magnus Institute, London   
jsims@tmi.org

~~~~~

Martin,

I’m going to stop at the Usher Foundation, and then I’m coming home. This has been a waste of time, and I need to be back in London, with you.

All of you, I mean. Helping with the

Oh never mind

Jonathan Sims   
Head Archivist   
The Magnus Institute, London   
jsims@tmi.org

~~~~~

Jon,

Have you ever run into anyone strange in the Archives?

No, I mean- anyone spooky? Supernatural. From the statements. Eerie. Weird. Avatar-ish. Something that’s not the word spooky.

I think I met Peter Lukas the other day. But Basira didn’t see him, and I’m kind of freaking out. Also, she talked to Melanie, and

But you’ve got other things to worry about

Martin Blackwood   
Archival Assistant   
The Magnus Institute, London   
mblackwood@tmi.org

~~~~~

Martin- sorry I’ve been out of touch for a few days. I’m booking a flight now, I’ll be back to London soon. A lot’s happened. I was kidnapped

~~~~~

Martin- sorry I’ve been out of touch for a few days. I’m booking a flight now, I’ll be back to London soon. A lot’s happened. I met a ghost

~~~~~

Martin- thank you for helping me collect all the tapes that were recorded while I’ve been gone. I’ve listened through them, now. Martin, I am /so sorry/ for leaving you - all of you - with the Archives in the state they’ve been. I wish I could promise that it won’t happen again. I wish

~~~~~

Martin- thank you for helping me collect all the tapes that were recorded while I’ve been gone. I’ve listened through them, now. There was one… well, Basira and Melanie said something about

~~~~~

Jon- about some of the things I said on those tapes, I

~~~~~

Jon- I’ve been thinking about some of the things I said on those tapes, and I feel like I should explain

~~~~~

Martin- I know it’s your plan. But are you SURE you’re okay with going through with this? I don’t want you to have to face Elias alone. If he hurts you, I don’t know what I’ll

~~~~~

Jon- I know you said we shouldn’t be in contact until it’s time for everything to start, but it’s so quiet here. Just me and Melanie left in the Archives. And- there’s some things I wanted to tell you, just in case… well. Jon, I. But I’ve already said it all, haven’t I, to the tapes? No point, really.

~~~~~

Dearest Martin,

I know I said we shouldn’t be in contact. But I don’t know if I’ll ever have another chance to tell you everything that needs to be said.

I’m scared. I don’t want to die. I don’t want Tim to die, or Basira, or even Daisy. And I’m scared for you, as well. And Melanie, though her role in all this is less directly confrontational than your own.

But it’s you my thoughts keep turning to.

Tim has locked himself upstairs, alone. It’s not much of a surprise that he doesn’t want to talk to us. Basira and Daisy managed to unearth a chess board, and they’re with me in the common room of the bed and breakfast right now. I must admit I am no expert at chess, but they seem to be quite good.

I’m stalling.

What I want to tell you is this: I am paranoid, far more so than is justified by the things I have seen and learned over the past two years. I am paranoid, but I am choosing to trust you, and all the others, because I need to hold on to the things that make me human. I am sorry it has taken me so long. I trust you, Martin.

What I want to tell you is this: I am a coward, and I have run from so many things I should have faced head-on. I am a coward, and I have hurt us both with that cowardice, and all the things I haven’t said. I’m trying to say them now, because it may be my last chance. I want to be brave for you, Martin.

What I want to tell you is this: I like your smile, and I like your laugh, and I wish there had been more reason for you to smile and laugh over the time that we have known each other. You are brave, and you are kind, and you are good; I know Basira has judged you for standing around making tea while the world ends, but god, Martin, we need that. You are more human than any of us, and we need that.

What I want to tell you is this: I missed you when I was gone, and I was so glad to see you again when I got back. I miss you now, though I’ve only been gone a day, and I am scared that I will not see you again. I think you are my favorite person, Martin.

What I want to tell you is this: I want to kiss you.

And even as I write this, I know I will not have the courage to send it.

I’m so sorry, Martin.

Be safe.

Jonathan Sims   
Head Archivist   
The Magnus Institute, London   
jsims@tmi.org

~~~~~

_ Dear Jon, _

_ You’ve been asleep for a week, now. The doctors say there’s been no change in your condition. _

_ I know you can’t hear me when I talk to you. So I thought I might leave you a more permanent record of what’s been happening, for when you wake up. I know I should just record it to tape so you can listen, but they haven’t been turning up over the last few days. Not since _

_ Well. _

_ Elias is in jail. Melanie was able to get the tape from his office while I distracted him, and the police took him into custody two days  _ ~~_ after you _ ~~ _ after everything. There’s an interim Head of the Institute now: Peter Lukas, from the statements. He offered everyone some time off, which was nice, but I’m pretty sure everyone just wanted to keep working, not be alone with their own thoughts.  _ ~~_ He’s been paying a lot of attention to me, and I don’t think he’s even met the others yet. It’s strange. He hasn’t actually hurt me, or anything, but I’m scared, Jon. _ ~~

_ As for all of us in the Archives, we’re  _ ~~_ doing okay _ ~~ _ not doing well. I hate to hit you with that as soon as you wake up, but I can’t lie. Daisy didn’t make it out of the wax museum, and Basira’s taking it really hard. I think she’s trying to pretend everything’s okay - I think we all are - but she’s not eating regularly and I don’t think she’s sleeping either, just throwing herself into her work to try and forget. Melanie is angry all the time, I don’t even know what she’s angry at anymore. She snaps at anyone who tries to talk to her and she keeps slamming doors. I think she’s started carrying a knife.  _ ~~_ Tim is _ ~~

~~_ Tim didn’t _ ~~

~~_ When the explosion happened, Tim _ ~~

_ Isn’t that pathetic? I can’t even bear to write it down. I can barely think the words. _

_ As for myself, I’m _

_ I said I wouldn’t lie, didn’t I? I’m not okay. I miss Tim. I miss  _ _ you _ _. _

_ Please wake up soon, Jon. _

_ All the best, _

_ Martin _

~~~~~

_ Dear Jon, _

_ Not much has happened since my last letter, just more of the same. Basira is still throwing herself into her work, Melanie’s still angry. She’s  _ _ definitely _ _ carrying a knife, now. Helen’s been hanging around a bit, which is - well, it’s weird, isn’t it? But she seems friendly, or at least she’s not threatening us, so I guess that’s good? _

~~_ The doctors have said _ ~~

_ You need to wake up, Jon. I need you to wake up. _

_ I thought it would stop hurting. I thought I would get used to it. But you’re gone, and you’ve been gone before but this time you’re  _ _ really _ _ gone, and it’s only been two weeks but it  _ _ hurts _ _. _

_ I’m sorry. I know you’re not going to want to read that, and it’s stupid to even write it down, but it’s true. It hurts that you’re not here, and it won’t stop hurting until you’re back. _

_ Which means, hey, by the time you’re reading this it’ll have stopped hurting. So I guess that’s good. _

_ God, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have written that down. There’s just not much else to do. _

_ Best, _

_ Martin _

~~~~~

_ Dear Jon, _

_ This is turning into something of a routine. But it’s nice to keep my hands busy, and my thoughts, sitting here by your hospital bed, and I can’t focus on any of the books I’ve tried to bring. _

_ Oh, yeah: I’ve been writing these by your bedside. I mean, you’ve probably guessed that, if you’ve had the patience to read through all my nonsense. _

_ You look peaceful, lying there. Have the doctors (or I, or whoever was there when you woke up) told you what your condition is - has been? They’re calling it a coma, but it’s more like the opposite: your mind is active, lost to dreams, but your body is dead. _

_ Oh, god, sorry if the ink runs. I haven’t actually said that before, you know? Didn’t expect the tears to hit quite that suddenly. _

_ But you look peaceful. Like you’re just sleeping. Which I suppose, in a sense, you are. Figures it’d take a building collapsing on you for you to get a good night’s rest. Do you remember all those time I tried to get you to go home early, and you’d just give me that look over your glasses, not even saying anything, you’d just _

_ Sorry, I don’t think I can keep writing, my hand is shaking too much _

_ Martin _

~~~~~

_ Dearest Jon, _

_ God, that’s sappy, isn’t it? But it’s true. _

_ I promised myself I’d tell you.  _ _ Actually _ _ tell you, not just whisper it into the silence while you lie here asleep. _

_ You are dear to me. _

_ I love you, dearly. _

_ I don’t expect you to feel the same, and I don’t want you to feel pressured to respond. I don’t want you to… I don’t even know. Pity me? Please don’t do that. I’m quite happy to be your friend. I just want you to know that what I feel for you is more than friendship. _

_ Honestly, I hope I’m not even in the room when you read this, or I might just die of embarrassment. Can you do me a favor and pretend I didn’t say anything? _

_ I am saying something, though. I want you to hear it. _

_ I love you, Jon. _

_ I love you. _

_ I  _ _ love _ _ you. _

_ Please come back to me. _

_ Forever yours, _

_ Martin _

~~~~~

_ Dearest Jon, _

_ Still not much new going on. Lukas has some project he wants me to work on, he hasn’t said what it is. Creepy bastard. You know, I think he can actually turn invisible, or something? I wonder if there are any statements about that… _

_ Helen’s a pretty permanent fixture now. I think she’s living in the tunnels. Or, well - not  _ _ living _ _. Whatever it is she does instead. _

_ Basira’s started throwing away all the old tape recorders. There aren’t any new ones showing up. _

_ I never told you how beautiful you are. I’m sure this is another letter I won’t want to be in the room while you read, but oh well. _

_ Do you know that your eyes light up when you laugh? Not in a supernatural, glow-in-the-dark kind of way. In a cheesy romcom kind of way. There’s this sparkle to them, like you’re caught in a ray of sunlight, like you’ve suddenly remembered the world is good. _

_ And your hands; your hands have always fascinated me. You’ve got such thin fingers, Jon, but they’re so strong. The first time you introduced yourself to me, when you shook my hand, I almost missed your name because I was so distracted by how unexpectedly tight your grip was. _

_ Kind of ironic, considering it’s my favorite word, now. Your name, I mean. _

_ Jon. _

_ I know you hate the scars. I’ve seen the way you glare at your reflection, when you’re not avoiding looking at it entirely. I must admit, even I find myself… conflicted, when I think about them. I hate what they represent. I hate that you’ve been hurt. _

_ But you’re still so beautiful. _

_ You’re a survivor, Jon. That’s what I think about, when I see your scars. The world has tried to break you so many times, and you always get right back up and keep on fighting. I need you to do that again, okay? I’m sorry, I know you’ve earned your rest, but I need you to keep fighting. _

_ You know, I meant to stick to the purely physical, not drift off into metaphors. What I’m getting at is: you can pull off scars, Jon, even if you don’t believe it.  _ _ Really _ _ well. Maybe I’m biased, but no matter how much you might hate your own reflection, I still think you’re hot. You get this brooding look sometimes, when you’re thinking really hard, and your eyebrows furrow, and you start to purse your lips like you’re upset but you’re actually just really distracted... _

_ Christ, this is a mess, isn’t it? I just went back and reread it all, and… yeah. I think I’m just trying to get it all down, you know? Commit it to paper, make it last. Make a record of you that can’t be washed away. _

_ I miss you. _

_ Love, _

_ Martin _

~~~~~

_ My dearest Jon, _

_ Sleeping peacefully, _ _   
_ _ Lost in dreams. Your eyelids twitch _ _   
_ _ But you do not wake. _

_ Your hopeless poet, _

_ Martin _

~~~~~

_ Dearest Jon, _

~~_ My mum’s in a bad way. I don’t know if _ ~~

_ No changes in the Archives, again. Some of the other departments are getting shifted around a bit, though. There’s been a rumor that a couple researchers tried to work around it, and no one’s seen them since. I think our luck is too bad for it to be  _ _ just _ _ a rumor. _

~~_ I think _ ~~

_ I’ve been sitting here staring at the wall for ten minutes, trying to finish that sentence. I think I’m just tired. _

_ Love, _

_ Martin _

~~~~~

_ Jon, _

_ Sorry I haven’t been by to visit for a bit. It’s been busy.  _ ~~_ My mum _ ~~ _ I don’t think I want to talk about it. _

_ I love you. So much. _

_ Martin _

~~~~~

_ Jon, _

_ My pen runs dry _ _   
_ _ Words that used to spill from my tongue like honey, like wine _ _   
_ _ Now lost in _

_ I don’t know where the words went. I think you took them with you when you left. _

_ Or maybe she did. _

_ Martin _

~~~~~

_ Jon, _

~~_ It’s been awhile _ ~~

~~_ Sorry I haven’t written _ ~~

~~_ Here’s a list of things you’ve missed: _ ~~

~~_ I think _ ~~

~~_ I wanted to say _ ~~

~~_ How many times can I tell you I miss you before it loses all meaning? _ ~~

_ Martin _

~~~~~

_ Jon, _

_ We all almost died yesterday. Would you even know if we did? _

_ I’m scared of Melanie. _

_ Martin _

~~~~~

_ Jon, _

_ I’m trying to find the words. It’s hard. I can only shout into the emptiness for so long before my lungs give out. _

_ But I started this so you’d have a record of everything that’s happened,  _ _ if _ _ when you wake up. _

_ 1\. You saved the world. _

_ 2\. Tim and Daisy died. _

_ 3\. You went into a coma. _

_ 4\. Elias got arrested. _

_ 5\. Peter was put in charge of the Institute. _

_ 6\. My mum died. _

_ 7\. Jared Hopworth attacked the Institute. _

_ 8\. Melanie stabbed him. _

_ 9\. Helen trapped him in the corridors. _

_ 10\. Peter offered me a job. I don’t know if I’m going to take it. _

_ 11\. You still haven’t woken up. _

_ Martin _

~~~~~

_ Jon, _

_ Do you remember what you said before you left? You said you’d come back. You promised, Jon. _

_ You promised. _

_ Martin _

~~~~~

_ Jon, _

_ He was right, wasn’t he. You’re not waking up. _

_ Kind of pointless, really, to keep writing these. _

_ I think I’m just going to burn them. _

_ Martin _

~~~~~

Jon I’m sosososososo sorry I can’t be there Im sorry I wasn’t there when you woke up I’ve missed you so much I’m so glad your back but I made a deal with Peter lukas and I cant talk to you or anyone amd this counts as talking, doesn’t it

~~~~~

Martin I think I just hurt someone I just wanted to go shopping and

~~~~~

Martin- I know you haven’t been checking your texts

~~~~~

Martin- I know you haven’t been reading the texts I’ve sent

~~~~~

Martin- I know you won’t respond to this either. That’s okay. I’m sorry

~~~~~

Martin- I’m sorry for how awkward our conversation was earlier. I’m still not completely adjusted to the changes that have taken place since last August, and I didn’t realize you were in a hurry. I was glad to see you, though. The next time you have a free minute, would you like to come to lunch with me? I’d like to hear what’s been happening in your life since I’ve been gone. I mis

~~~~~

Basira mentioned earlier that your mother passed away while I was gone. I am so sorry, Martin. I know you’re avoiding me, but if you ever need to talk I want you to know that I’m here for you, whenever you need m

~~~~~

Martin- I know you don’t want to talk to me, but I need to see you. We had a visitor down in the Archives, and you need to know what’s going on. I would just go and find you, but I don’t know what office you’re currently using, and it’s not like I can just know where you a

~~~~~

I’ve been thinking about what you said earlier

~~~~~

Given what you said earlier,

~~~~~

Martin. If you’re doing this to save my life, please don’t.

~~~~~

_ My dearest Martin, _

_ If you are reading this, I didn’t make it out of the coffin. I’m going to leave this letter in a desk drawer; hopefully Basira or Melanie will find it once they realize I’m not coming back, and start clearing out my things. They can get it to you. _

_ Perhaps they will tell you why I have done this. If not: Daisy is alive, trapped down there. I have an anchor to the surface, and I should be able to use it to bring both her and myself back once I find her. If not… _

_ Well. That’s what this letter is for, isn’t it? _

_ I’m sorry I stopped texting you. Or perhaps I am sorry that I bothered you so much before; I don’t know if you read any of the messages I sent you, but I know you didn’t - don’t - want to talk to me. _

_ I wanted - want - to talk to you, though. I miss you, Martin, really and truly. _

_ There is a lot I could say, here, about all that has happened - about Tim, and Sasha, and everything we almost had before everything went wrong. About finding time to talk before the world ends. _

_ But I’m not sure if I have the words to say it all. And if this is the last message that I leave to the world, then there is one thing, and one thing only, that I want you to remember of me: _

_ I love you. _

_ I’ve loved you for a long time. _

_ I know I should have said something sooner, and I’m sorry I didn’t. I’m sorry that it took so long for me to admit to myself the depth of my feelings for you. _

_ I wonder, if I told you this earlier, would you have texted me back? Or is whatever project Lukas has you working on more important even than that? _

_ Don’t let him hurt you, Martin. Don’t hurt yourself trying to protect everyone else. Yes, I know that’s hypocritical, given what I am about to attempt. But if I don’t come back, all the world loses is another monster. If you get hurt, the world loses the only Martin Blackwood it’ll ever have. _

_ And I am a monster, Martin. I think you know that, now. I understand why you don’t want to talk to me. _

_ I’m sorry I left you. _

_ I’m sorry I came back. _

_ I’m trying to make up for it, now. _

_ I love you, Martin. With all my heart, with all my being, with everything that I have ever been. I wish I had been kinder to you in the small time we had together. I wish we had had more time. _

_ I want to keep writing, but I don’t know what else there is to say. _

_ Don’t grieve for me too much. You’ve had enough grief for one lifetime. _

_ I love you. _

_ Please be safe. _

_ The coffin won’t kill me, so I can say this with complete honesty: _

_ Yours, even from the grave, _

_ Jon _

~~~~~

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME JON

Martin Blackwood   
Assistant to the Head of the Institute   
The Magnus Institute, London   
mblackwood@tmi.org

~~~~~

Dear Martin,

1\. After all we’ve been through together email feels like an unusually formal way to contact you.

2\. But it’s a lot harder to accidentally hit “send” on an email than it is on a text, and I don’t want this going to you until I’m ready.

3\. And putting it in a letter makes it a lot harder to pretend I’m actually going to send it.

4\. I’ve been at a loose end recently. Ever since I pulled Daisy out of the coffin, I’ve been… listless. She says I’m moping.

5\. Oh, by the way, Daisy’s nice now. We’re actually friends.

6\. Back to the point: I’m not moping. I’m… adrift. All the leads I’ve found recently are long gone cold. There’s nothing for me to do, nowhere for me to  _ go,  _ and it just feels like I’m spending my time waiting around for a golden opportunity to drop in my lap while the world ends around me. I need a plan, I need an action to take, but there’s… nothing.

7\. I don’t know what to do. And I suppose that’s why I’m turning to you: even if you can’t help, even if you have nothing to offer me, I know that I would feel better being adrift with you by my side.

8\. Everyone around me seems to be resolved to a course of action.

9\. You’re working for Peter Lukas.

10\. Melanie’s going to therapy.

11\. Basira’s got her own plans.

12\. Daisy’s recovering, from both the Buried and the Hunt.

13\. And I’m just waiting for you.

14\. I think I’m going to try to break into Elias’s old office. Daisy was able to, so maybe I can too. And maybe I’ll find something to give me purpose there.

Love,

Jonathan Sims   
The Archivist   
The Magnus Institute, London   
jsims@tmi.org

~~~~~

Martin- I found the tapes you left. I need you to know, I

~~~~~

Martin- We found the tapes you left. Basira wanted to confront you about it, but I convinced her

~~~~~

Martin- I found the tapes you made. I understand why you left. If you want to get a second opinion on Peter’s plan, please know you can

~~~~~

Martin-

~~~~~

Martin,

I found the tapes you left in the office. I realize that you probably weren’t intending for me to hear them so soon, but please know that I don’t intend to - how did Peter put it? - “assume I know better than you and do something rash.” I trust you. I know you’ll take all the evidence into consideration when making your choice, and I trust that you’ll make a good one. I just need you to know that if you  _ do  _ decide you want a second opinion on it all, I am here for you. Always.

And I also need you to be safe. Please, Martin, whatever choice you make, however far you go with Peter’s plan,  _ please  _ make sure you’ve got a way out. I know how tempting it is to try to martyr yourself to a cause - I’ve done it often enough - but Martin,  _ please,  _ you can’t. I can’t lose you, I can’t

God this is a mess.

And I know he doesn’t want to hear from me.

I’m sorry for reaching out to you like this, but I found the tapes you left in the office and…

I understand if you don’t want to read this, but…

Let me start by saying something I should have told you a long time ago: I love you.

How the hell do I even begin?

Just tell me what your plan is, please. I can help.

Jonathan Sims   
The Archivist   
The Magnus Institute, London   
jsims@tmi.org

~~~~~

_ Dear Martin, _

_ I don’t know if I have the energy to do this again. Saying goodbye without actually  _ _ saying goodbye _ _. But I may not come back from Ny-Ålesund, and you deserve to know _

_ I don’t have the energy to do this again. I’ll leave this with the letter I wrote you before I went in the coffin. Daisy can get them both to you if I don’t make it back. _

_ All my love, _

_ Jon _

~~~~~

NY ALESUND, JON? REALLY? NY ALE FUCKING SUND?????? YOURE SO

~~~~~

AND SOMEONE CAME IN TO GIVE A STATEMNET TODAY, JON. CAN YOU GUESS WHAT IT WAS ABOUT??? WHY

~~~~~

you better fucking come back alive

~~~~~

Martin,

There are several things I feel I need to address. However, in respect for your own wishes about not communicating, I will limit myself to only the most immediate: the others found your tape. The statement. About me.

Thank you. I think I needed to hear that. To be called on that. I wouldn’t have stopped on my own, I don’t think. I was rationalizing it away, pretending I couldn’t control it. I’ll try harder, now. I promise.

I also want to say I’m sorry. I know you don’t want to talk to me, about any of this. But there was something you said

I also want to say I’m sorry. I know you don’t want to talk to me. But on the tape, you said

I also want

_ If he’s gone, then all of this is just… _ what?

He’s trying to save the world.

He doesn’t want to talk to me.

But if I’m gone…

...it’s not worth it?

To save the world?

To come back after he’s done?

Or am I just deluding myself

I’m still here, Martin.

Jonathan Sims   
The Archivist   
The Magnus Institute, London   
jsims@tmi.org

~~~~~

Part of me just wants to run up to you and scream it in your face, ‘I love you,’ pull you out of the Lonely like Herman Gorgoli and his husband. But I know you don’t want that.

~~~~~

Martin- I hope this doesn’t break your ‘do not contact me’ policy, but as an FYI: there are two Hunters loose in the Institute, Trevor Herbert and Julia Montauk. They might take exception to your newly discovered vanishing skills, and I’m worried about y

~~~~~

_ Jon, _

_ I’m sorry. I’m sorry, and I wish I could have said yes, and I wish we could run away together, and I know you’ll never read this but I needed to write it anyway. _

_ I’m sorry. _

_ Martin _

~~~~~

I meant it, Martin. I wasn’t looking for excuses, I MEANT it. I know you don’t want to hear it.

~~~~~

_ Jon, _

_ If all goes well tomorrow, I’m never coming back. I feel like that should scare me more. _

_ I don’t know why I’m writing this. It’s not like I’m going to give it to you, and it’s not like you’re going to come up here and search the desk drawers and find it. I think it’s just an old habit. Something I feel like I  _ _ should _ _ do, you know? Say goodbye. I would have wanted the chance to, before all of this. _

_ Maybe I still do, I don’t know. _

_ It’s so much easier to just walk away. _

_ But has it always been? I mean, it’s easier  _ _ now _ _ , when “talking” just means “arguing and trying to explain.” _

_ But then, maybe that’s all it’s ever been, when we talk. _

_ It hurts to talk to you. To see you. It’s so much easier to walk away. _

_ But it didn’t always hurt. I wish it didn’t hurt, now. I never wanted to leave, back then. _

_ I still don’t know if I want to leave. _

_ Oh, god, sorry. I don’t know why I’m crying, I haven’t cried since you were in the hospital, this is _

_ I don’t know why I’m crying. _

_ Talking to you hurts. _

_ I just want it to stop hurting. _

_ I still love you. _

_ Goodbye. _

_ Martin _

~~~~~

did you leave me a tape please martin i dont know what this means and im scared and i know i cant turn to you i need to find someone esle

~~~~~

Test text to find Martin’s phone in the hopes that he left his volume turned u

~~~~~

Get out here and STRETCH YOUR LEGS, Jon, it’s a long drive, I thought you were joking about staying in the ca

~~~~~

_ Martin, _

_ I didn't want to run off without a warning while you’re asleep, I’m just popping into the shop before we drive the last bit to the safehouse. _

_ Love, Jon _

_ P.S. Sorry for sticking this to your forehead, it was too tempting. _

~~~~~

Check out this one, the spot on it’s nose looks like a heart ♥️♥️♥️

Attachment: Image

~~~~~

Sorry if this sends twice, I don’t think the first one got through

Attachment: Image

~~~~~

Jon- I have the CUTEST cow picture to show you when I get home, I tried to send it to you but apparently I don’t have enough signal for images

~~~~~

Testing

~~~~~

Testing

~~~~~

Hey, several-weeks-in-the-future-Jon from when I finally have enough signal for these to send: sorry for spamming your inbox

~~~~~

Not really, though

~~~~~

Love you 😘

**Author's Note:**

> In case the emojis from Martin's final string of texts don't register on whatever browser you happen to be using: the first three are a series of red hearts, the last one is a kissy face.


End file.
